Indulging kids with gifts

What will you do if your little boy gives you the “puppy eyes look” begging you to buy him his favorite expensive, “not so good for him” PSP toy for Christmas? Did he negotiate that it will be your year round - Christmas, New Year, birthday, valentine’s, graduation- all occasions’ gift for him? And if he ever got the toy, will he ever look you in the eye - even glance at you, or his eyes will just be glued on the PSP screen? Wouldn’t it be better if you just allow him to enjoy his outdoor basketball games and you enjoy his “puppy smell” at end of the day?

Will your heart thump double time when you hear your child softly moan about the travails of the school day, when his peers make fun of his old modeled, second hand mobile phone unit? Have you deprived him of self esteem? Or will this be a golden opportunity to teach him to draw from his inner strength rather than rely on external, material motivations.

What kind of mom will you be to your teenager if you did not provide him a new laptop because his old one was too bulky, too slow, chipped off (due to his carelessness) – and because of this he was left behind in submitting his school projects? If you give in, aren’t you passing off a magic moment for lessons on accountability, resourcefulness and perseverance?

Uh - oh…how about your reputation? What would your colleagues in the technology industry say if your children maintain outdated gadgets? You know that you need to keep your children up to date with the trends!

All too often, we interfere with our children’s character development and tend to give in to emotional blackmails – all due to our good intentions as parents. This is where we should know when is enough and what is best for our children – social acceptance or character building.

Of course, as parents we know that if we spare the rod, we spoil the child. Who wouldn’t want to bring up a responsible adult?

However, our optimum desire is for our kids to like us! We want our kids to have what we didn’t get enough of. Easy to endorse “tough love”, but for parents working long hours, we want to make up for our absence by fulfilling our kids’ every passing fancy. And most of the time we come home late, too tired to haggle and negotiate, that at the end of the day we just nod like robots to their caprices.

I know of many broken-hearted solo moms with meager income, go into deeper debt just so their kids don’t feel stressed and overburdened – only to be disappointed by side long glances and ingratitude.

I am not spared from this same ditch. When I get to this situation, I ask myself, “Am I doing this for my child or for myself?”

I am also reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:23-24, as a guiding principle:
Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial.
Everything is permissible – but not everything is constructive.
Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

This Christmas season we will be sheltering two orphaned children, I hope our family learns the value of eternal gifts.

And be reminded of God’s tough, sacrificial love expressed through His only Son, His amazing gift for us all.

Footnote:
“Overindulging is a form of child neglect.” It keeps kids from learning basic lessons of life, or thinking beyond their own needs, partly because their parents never let them understood sacrifice or hardship. (Refer to Bredehoft studies on "The Consequences of an Effortless Childhood").